Being a busy mom of two active children, I feel as
though I am often the mediator of various arguments throughout the day. One
thing that I have noticed about myself is that my patience and ability to help
mediate conflicts is much greater at the beginning part of the day than at the
end of the day. I feel as though I am constantly stating things like,
"how would you like it if someone did that to you?" Sometimes this
strategy works and other times it does not. I also frequently try to find a
compromise so that all the parties involved feel as though they have had their voice
heard. One way that I can improve my practice as a parent based on the information
we have learned this week is to work on my ability to respond to conflicts
without becoming emotional and judgmental. I am going to try to improve my
ability to view conflicts from all angles with the greater good in mind by
pushing aside my emotional involvement.
That is a great goal and one all of us parents should strive for. I am far from mastering the ability to observe and express my feelings without judgment when it comes to my own personal children. I can go all day at school working through conflict after conflict in a positive NVC manner with 15-18 three and four year old children. Then I come home to my two boys and NVC goes out the window. I have often discussed this phenomena with my husband. My conclusion is that at work I really don't know how these children have been raised and I am able to reserve judgment of their behaviors do to a lack of knowledge. I have more patience and I am willing to model and guide more because I truly don't know if they have ever been shown these conflict resolution strategies. However when I get home and work with my own children I know exactly what they have been taught and for how many years. I know they know how to communicate better than they are. So I find it harder to listen empathetically, observe, and express feelings without judgment. I know the critical principles we have learned about NVC and the 3R's should be used at home as well as school. I too will strive to remember to use these strategies in all parts of my life, personal and professional. Thank yo for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThe compromise and asking the question, "How would you feel?" sometimes works for adults too. As a supervisor, I often employ this strategy and often bring the two or more parties together to talk out their differences. With both strategies I have had success, but there are times when a person chooses to withhold a grudge of the conflict. In the end, I feel I try to resolve conflict with others through discussion, but on a personal level I have less patience because I often feel or think the expectations are known. However, I realize the same way I had conflict resolution at work should also be used at home using the 3 Rs, respect, response, and relationship.
ReplyDeleteMegan,
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, I have two daughters ages 9 and 12; totally different personalities, tastes, likes, everything. I mediate more fights, but I get so tired at times that I start taking away what is dear to them most and once they saw I was serious about following through, I would get a good two weeks of good behavior towards one another. It can be very difficult to resolve conflict with children than it can be with adults.
Megan,
ReplyDeleteYes I think being in such a personal relationship such as a mother and her children can sometimes alter your judgement. I think The Third Side model will help you in viewing all perspectives of those involved in the conflict in order to help you guide them to a resolution.